Jewish Wedding Guide
- Julia Levy
- May 27
- 20 min read
Shabbat Kalah & Mikveh
Before the wedding, the whole week before, the future Kala (bride) can prepare herself and already has some kinds of celebration!
Shabbat Kallah is a special Shabbat celebration for the Kala, typically held the Shabbat before the wedding, where friends and family gather to honor and bless her. The groom is not here obviously. During this special shabbat, I advice you to prepare some question for the women of your family and friends, advices for your own life, memories of their own weddings, etc. This time can be a real moment of proximity, discovering your family/friends, receiving blessings and precious advices.
It is a kind of bachelorette party, even though I would more say that the real "Jewish Bachelorette" is the day of the Mikveh.
In official words, the Mikveh is a ritual bath used for spiritual purification and immersion.
In Judaism we talk about the concept of "Tum'a" that is wrongly translated into "impure". It is in fact simply expressing the concept of death, the non-creation. The opposite is "Tahara" from the root "Or" the light, which is creation, movement, life. For instance, a dead body, a body without a soul "neshama", is Tum'a. Or when a woman has her periods, she is in Tum'a. Tum'a means we are finite. But in this seemingly finite world hides the infinite (such as between 0 and 1 you have an infinite number of numbers!). Our neshama, our soul, is linked to the infinite, to the divine. And when we encounter Tum'a, we may forget it. When we have our periods we are experiencing a "mini-death" within us. We are bleeding not because we got hurt but because there was a potential of creation that did not fulfill itself - and for this consciously or unconsciously, we are kind of "mourning". Therefore we are in Tum'a. It's very badly translated, we are not " not pure". We are simply experiencing the "finite" world and need to go back to the "infinite" one, the one of miracles and faith Emuna. To connect to it there is the Mikveh.
A Kala is supposed to be a virgin so there was never really this "potential of creation" (having a baby) that was not fulfilled even though she had her periods. But it really does not matter virgin or no virgin I reassure you we are not living in these old days! The Balanit (the woman taking care of the Mikveh) is well aware of the world we are living now, they are the kindest people, doing this job as a Mitzvah with all their hearts, it is super important to be kind with them, they are here to help and support us, not judging us! The Mikveh is like Yom Kipour - it is washing us from anything that was before, so virgin or no virgin, when you are out of your Mikveh you are like reborn, like a virgin! You are completely naked, as a new born, taking 3 dips from head to toes (as 3 is the number to go back to unity, can be 7 as well, you will see the importance of number 7 later as well!)
Water is the ultimate symbol of life, it contains the memory of everything, and therefore it recalls us what is the true essence of life. In Judaism, you can dip yourself in the "mikve" or direcly into the sea (make sure though to have someone to check your Mikveh is "kosher" which means your whole body entered the water.
The Mikveh is what we have left from the Gan Eden - as it is made from natural water. It has very specific and precised dimensions, it must hold at least 200 gallons -750 liters, of naturally sourced water, such as rainwater. The dimensions of the mikveh and its structure reflect deeper spiritual concepts. In the Book of Genesis, Gan Eden (the Garden of Eden) is described as a paradise with a river flowing out of it, which then divides into four separate rivers: Pishon, Gihon, Tigris (Hiddekel), Euphrates (Perat)
As the Mikveh must be made of naturally sourced water, such as rainwater (or the sea), we understand that those waters are all coming from the same source - the one of the Gan Eden. We have this luck to still have a part of the Gan Eden in our reality, through the waters.
And actually, as a sound and vibrational healer, when we learn about the memory of water capacities, we understand how even scientifically, we are really immersing ourselves in the Gan Eden waters! And with the resonance principles, we understand why the dimensions of the Mikveh are very important for us to be fully immersed like in a womb.
Mikveh מקווה and the same letters, same root from "to hope" לקוות (lekavot) - I hope = אני מקווה (ani mekave).
When you go in the Mikveh you can let there all the things that do not serve you anymore.
You can wish for anything even the "impossible". Because we enter in the divine infinite world of possibilities and miracles.
At each dip, you can make a prayer. For instance to be clean from the past, for "Shalom Bayit" (שלום בית peace and harmony in the household), for Hashem to watch for your mouth, someone's health "Refua Shlema", "Pri Beten" (פרי בטן "fruit of the womb" fertility)...
About the prayers...
The "mandatory" main prayer is only the one after the first dip:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קְדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל הַטְּבִילָה
Blessed are You, L‑rd our G‑d, King of the Universe, Who has sanctified us with
His commandments, and commanded us concerning the immersion
Bah-rookh ah-tah ah-doh-noi eh-loh-hay-noo meh-lekh ha-oh-lahm
ah-sher ki-deh-shah-noo be-mitz-voh-tahv veh-tzee-vah-noo ahl hah-teh-vee-lah
and more info about the prayers:
Btw, Men can also do mikveh before the wedding and prepare spiritually!
Then, after you immersed yourself, you can invite your family and best friends -don't forget the women of your Hatan's family, especially his mum: no matter what relationship you have with her, this may cleanse everything as well. It is a great "Kavod" respect. She is the one who hold for 9 months and created this miracle of life that is your husband. This is the way to say thank you.
There is even this tradition of before entering the Mikveh, you are "preparing" yourself in a room with a bath, and the women are coming to brush your hair and give you advices for your life (and benedictions if there is no bathroom in the room but usually there are).
Modern / ancient mikvaot:
And why did I said that this is to me the real Jewish bachelorette party? For two reasons:
First all the Mikveh preparation can be from the beginning of the day, in which you can enjoy a nice spa with your family and best friends, a girls day, full of relaxation, self-care and self-love, relaxing from the stress that you may have the day before your wedding, letting to Hashem what is left to organize, and starting already to focus on what is the most important: you being a Kala and welcoming within you the Shekhina, the divine presence.
You must take off anything that is bothering you, such as hairs, pimples, dead skin, having perfect nails... There are no real mandatory list, it is according to your own feeling: in the Mikveh you want to be clean, not having anything that is disturbing you, and no external element (like a percieng for example).
Second, in the night of the Mikveh after the immersion, you can organize a little evening with all the girls dear to your heart (usually you can "rent" for a room in the Mikveh for this kind of occasion, usually it is super cheap and the money goes to the Mikveh). Order some little food and drinks, put on some music, and celebrate this first step to building your divine Jewish home! You can also have their some gifts for the girls, special speeches, and even some Torah study. For instance I studied the text Eshet Hayil "Woman of virtue" and used it to tell my girls how much I appreciate them, each one of them for their unique aspects.
Eshet Chayil ("The Virtuous Woman") is traditionally sung on Friday evenings for Shabbat, and it concludes the Book of Proverbs by King Solomon. Each of the 22 verses starts with one of the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet, so the whole letters of the Aleph-Beth is used, to show that this text doesn't talk about an "ideal" woman but about every woman, without exception. The verses portray the spiritual DNA of Jewish women. The term "Eshet Chayil" combines "Eshet" (woman) with "Chayil" (that can be translated both by rich/talented), implying that a virtuous woman is one who realizes her potential with contentment and patience, much like an artist finds satisfaction in every stage of her work.
Marrying a virtuous woman is considered as fulfilling the entire Torah, according to the Yalkut Shimoni. The text describes the essence of the Jewish woman and it is an allegory as well to the relationship between a man and the Torah.
The first verse compares a virtuous woman to a pearl. A pearl forms when a mollusk secretes layers of nacre around an irritant, such as a grain of sand, turning it into a smooth, valuable gem, symbolizing that virtue is developed through life's challenges, or in other words, that it is precisely those challenges that refine and reveal inner beauty and virtue. We do not become virtuous women by the end of our lives but everyday, as everyday we are overcoming one way or the other the challenges that life brings us. And as Viktor Frankl said; it's not about what we are expecting of life, but what life is expecting of us! So what life brings us are our opportunities to explore our "tikkun olam", our own "reparation of the world", our life mission.
We can all learn and get inspired from each other: go women power! Let's show women solidarity and no more jealousy!
Eshet Hayil's text:
It is also a tradition that the woman never stays alone until the huppah, even to sleep or go to the bathroom!
The Huppah
I created a designed printable version of this chapter that you can print and give to your guests during the wedding so they can understand the meaning of what is happening, your huppa, and feel involved in this Simha! Or simply gift it to the future bride and groom! Check it out here: https://www.ofrequency.com/product-page/a-short-guide-to-the-huppa-ceremony (it also exists in French, check it out in the shop)
1. The Chair of the Kala
« The Groom beholds his Bride, seated like a queen, She’s deeply moved, yet remains serene,He gently drapes a veil upon her face, Shielding the Sh’khina from earthly place to space. »
The man putting on the veil symbolizes the commitment to his wife in order to protect the Shekhina (Divine Presence) which is revealed through his Kala (bride).
“The Torah relates that after receiving the Tablets of the Law, the face of Moshe Rabbeinu was so glowing with holiness that no one could bear its brilliance. He therefore had to wear a veil each time he spoke to the people to attenuate this divine Light. At this present moment, when the bride and groom unite to become one, their souls experience an immeasurable elevation. The Shekhina shines more especially on the face of the Kala. This light is so intense that it needs privacy, it must be veiled, just like that which emanated from the face of Moshe. »-Joy Galam
In a study of the book of the Zohar, we understand that the Masculine principle embodies abundance, infinite potential, and the Feminine principle when it defines, allows this abundance to take shape, to come to fruition. Thus both have a function and complement each other in order to create. In the same way that a child is made in its mother’s womb: the feminine principle gives the form. This is how we understand that when we talk about Shekhina who seems feminine, we are in fact talking about the divine abundance (principle of infinity) which comes from man but which can only be perceived through through the woman (finite principle), this is why the man comes to place the veil and protects this Shekhina who only existed in potential and who can finally be created and exist thanks to the woman.
Rav Asaf Tavacnik (from the Rosh Yehudi community) explains it in the form of a metaphor: if someone shows you a wooden table and asks you what it is in one word, you will not answer “wood” but « a table «. Wood represents matter, the masculine principle. There can be many wooden objects. The feminine principle is the “table” shape which will define this material and reveal its potential. Thus a King unites with a Queen in order to create their Kingdom together! And it is only really by building their kingdom that they become King and Queen, although they already potentially are!
Here's a "Birkat Kala", the Kala prayer before entering the huppa, different one exists. Additionally, you can also write one in your own words (I really advice you to do so in advance, like a letter you write to Hashem, to thank him and write your prayers). I advice you to have it written and read it several times with all your open heart.
רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם,הֲרֵינִי בָּאָה לְפָנֶיךָבְּשִׂמְחָה גְּדוֹלָה,לְהוֹדוֹת לְךָעַל שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ, וְקִיְּמָנוּ.וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְמַן הַזֶּה
תְּזַכֵּנוּ, לְהָקִים בַּיִת נֶאֱמָן,בִּקְדוּשָׁה וּבְטָהֳרָה לַעֲבוֹדָתֶךָוְתִּתֵּן אַהֲבָהוְאַחֲוָה וְשָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת.בֵּנֵינוּ
.כָּל חַיֵּינוּ
Ribono Shel OlamHareini ba lifanecha,Besimcha gedolahLehodot lecha,
Al shehechiyanu, vekiymanuVehigiyanu lazman hazeh.
Tezakeinu, lehakim bayit ne’emanBe’kedusha uv’tahara la’avodatecha,
Vetitein ahavaVe’achvah ve’shalom ve’re’utBeineinu.
Kol Chayeinu.
You can also carry your dear ones' prayers and join them with yours under your Chuppah, this moment of heavenly opening and union with Hashem. Ask them in advance for their full names (their Jewish name with name of their mothers to say "bat" daughter of / "ben" son of), and for their prayers (it can be for "Zivug Emet" finding a true partner/soulmate, "Refua Shlema" health and full healing, "Pri Beten" having a baby…). You can simply print those prayers and have them with you under the Chuppah (not having to read them all during this intense moment, you can simply pray that all the things that are written in your paper may become true in this world).
2. Entrance to the Huppa
« It’s her turn, she joins him, walking to the Huppa, With full awareness, they take together this first step, Adorned with souls of ancestors and descendants bright, The joy of their loved ones surrounds them in light. »
ברגע שהחתן מכסה את פנייך, הילדים שלכם, הנכדים שלכם וגם הנינים יורדים מהשמים. ברור שילדים לא הולכים לבד, הם באים עם השמרטפים הקדושים של ה’, עם האמהות הקדושות - שרה, רבקה, רחל ולאה. ואני בטוח שהם מביאים איתם את כל הסבים והסבתות שלכם
-הרב שלמה קרליבך זצ’’ל
« As soon as the groom covers your face, your children, your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren descend from heaven. It is clear that the children do not go alone, they come with the holy mothers - Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah. And I’m sure they’re bringing all your grandparents with them. »-Rabbi Shlomo Karlibach
It is said that the authenticity of the guests’ joy, this true joy that is deep, selfless, caring, full of kindness, will resonate in the couple’s home throughout their lives. Hence the importance of choosing each of your guests because they will play an energetic role in the potential of Simha (joy) which the bride and groom will be able to enjoy throughout their lives.
אם אתה רוצה להתאחד עם מישהו אתה יכול לעשות זאת רק עם שמחה. מדוע יש כל כך הרבה שמחה בחתונה? לא בגלל שיש חתונה יש שמחה, אלא להיפך בלי שמחה גדולה לא תהיה חתונה. כי איך אפשר לאחד שני אנשים אם הם לא מגיעים .לשמחה הכי גבוההאם רמת השמחה שלך נמוכה, רמת ההתאחדות שלך נמוכה. אנשים עצובים לא מתאחדים אחד עם השני, כל אחד יושב בפינה .מכונס בעצמו. כמה שיותר תרגיש שמחה כך תוכל יותר להתאחד עם מישהו אחר-הרב שלמה קרליבך זצ’’ל
« If you want to unite with someone, you can only do it with joy. Why is there so much joy at a wedding? Not because there is a marriage there is joy, but on the contrary without great joy there will be no marriage. Because how can two people be united if they do not achieve the highest joy. If your level of joy is low, your level of association is low. Sad people do not unite with each other, everyone sits alone in a corner. The more joy you feel, the more you can unite with someone else. »-Rabbi Shlomo Karlibach
The wedding day is like a space-time above our space-time. It is not the happiest day of our lives, since it is only the beginning of many other moments of happiness! But it is a supreme and timeless source of joy and holiness that will be served to the couple throughout their lives. This is why it is a moment that calls for mindfulness.
3. The Seven Circles
« The Bride circles her Love seven times around, Reaching the purest realms, turn by turn profound, They set in motion the gears of restoration, Embodied in their Zivug, a sacred unification. »
Seven represents our world within its limits (7 days of the week, 7 musical notes, 7 colors of the rainbow, etc.). This number also represents the 7 midot (character traits) on which each man must work to rise. Kabbalah represents them in the form of spheres, the “Sephirot”. Each round represents a sphere, from bottom to top. Thus, we arrive at the edge of the finite and the infinite, because in this world the infinite is hidden in the finite, such that between 0 and 1 there are in fact an infinity of numbers. Through the experience of the couple, man transcends his finitude and can access
infinity.
Malchut - Royalty, Sovereignty
Yesod - Values, Foundations, Stability
Hod - Gratitude, Splendor, Humility
Netzach - Perseverance, Glory
Tiferet - Harmony, Beauty
Gevurah - Justice, Strength
Hessed - Kindness, Benevolence
Rav Benchetrit told us how Hashem (G-d) was behindeverything. So if my partner is a mirror, and thanks to theexperience of the couple I can discover myself, in fact what Idiscover is my infinite potential, I am infinite. In fact, you just need to place two mirrors opposite each other to see that you see an infinity of reflections!
“Dear groom, I want you to know something, God in his infinite love and compassion looked at the whole world and chose for you the woman who suits you best and loves you the most. I bless you that God may shine holiness, gentleness and love in your heart, so that you can be the best husband in the world. » -Rabbi Shlomo Karlibach
Sometimes we may feel that our impact in this world is minimal, but every effort we make within ourselves to do good, to do what is right, every time we do our best, it has an impact. on a cosmic level. Everything is interconnected. “Whatever is above is below” is what the symbol of our Star of David means with two intertwined triangles pointing up and down! This is how through our commitment, the reestablishment of our Zivug (union), we repair and impact something cosmic: the duality of our world.
4. The Engagement
«The rabbi first joins them, their souls intertwine, They exchange a golden ring, its inner smooth and fine, They pray, sip the sacred wine, in sanctification’s embrace, And all of Israel, receives the blessing’s grace.»
The “Kedushin” (engagement, “sanctification”) mark spiritual commitment, union at the level of the Neshama, the highest layer of the soul. The Hatan and the Kala cannot yet touch each other physically, so they are only united on a spiritual level.
There are 2 benedictions:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן
Blessing on the wine
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל הָעֲרָיוֹת, וְאָסַר לָנוּ אֶת
הָאֲרוּסוֹת, וְהִתִּיר לָנוּ אֶת הַנְּשׂוּאוֹת לָנוּ עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ מְקַדֵּשׁ עַמּוֹ
יִשְׂרָאֵל עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין
Sanctification of all the people of Israel through the commandments relating to marriage
After drinking the wine, the groom said:
הרי את מקודשת לי בטבעת זו כדת משה וישראל
“You are sacred to me with this ring like the religion of Moses and Israel”
Then he puts the wedding ring on his fiancée’s finger. In reality, it could be any object. A wedding ring is used because its shape symbolizes trust/support, such as the letter Samech ס in Hebrew which forms a circle. The circle also represents the interior light “Or Pnimi” representing man (abundance, the infinity of possibilities), and it offers it to the woman who is the encompassing light “Or Makif” which comes to envelop , to shape. It is also this notion of Or Makif / Or Pnimi which explains why it is the woman that circles around the groom 7 times at the beginning of the Huppa.
5. The Ketuba & the Talit
«They read the Ketubah, witness to their vow, Expressing gratitude, in this cherished now, For having journeyed until this day, Happily blessing a new tallit to display.»
After the Kedushin (engagement), we take a break of a few minutes before the “Nessouin” (the wedding) where the physical bodies can in turn engage. This symbolizes that everything exists first of all on a spiritual level, each object, each being has a spiritual essence first of all.
It is thus customary to read the Ketuba (comes from the root «to write»), which is a purely legal document written by wise men in which the husband undertakes to take care of his wife in all her needs within the framework of ‘a life of love and giving. Rav Asaf points out to what extent the man by signing and committing in writing can realize the importance of this moment and that he is there to be “at the service” of their union.
After reading, the groom gives the inscription to the bride and says:
הֲרֵי זוֹ כְּתּבַּתֵךְ
This is your Ketuba.
Then we take advantage of a new tallit offered to the groom to pronounce the blessing:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזַּמַן הַזֶּה
It is a blessing of praise recited by the sages when they had the privilege of arriving at a holiday, during a fixed-time mitzvah like lighting the Hanukkah candles, and also (as here!) when an event something positive happens to a person, like buying a new piece of clothing, eating a new fruit, seeing a good friend you haven’t seen for a long time, or hearing good news!
6. The Wedding
«In this sacred union, seven blessings unfold, Under the blessed huppa, two hearts find peace to hold. Seven sacred vows bestowed, let joy in them unfurl, Linked in body and soul, together they gently twirl.»
After reading the ketubah, the bride and groom receive seven blessings. It’s all about relationships and the joy of marriage.
ברכה ראשונה: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדנָֹ-י אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן
1 Blessing on the creation of the fruit of the vine.
ברכה שניה: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדנָֹ-י אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהַכּלֹ בָּרָא לִכְבוֹדוֹ
2 Blessing on the creation of everything for the glory of God.
ברכה שלישית: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדנָֹ-י אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם
3 Blessing on the creation of humanity.
ברכה רביעית: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָ-י אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר יָצַר אֶת הָאָדָם בְּצַלְמו, בְּצֶלֶם דְּמוּת תַּבְנִיתוֹ
וְהִתְקִין לוֹ מִמֶּנּוּ בִּנְיַן עֲדֵי עַד, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדנָֹ-י יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם
4 Blessing on the creation of humanity in the image of God and their eternal union.
ברכה חמישית: שׂוֹשׂ תָּשִׂישׂ וְתָגֵל הָעֲקָרָה, בְּקִבּוּץ בָּנֶיהָ לְתוֹכָהּ בְּשִׂמְחָה, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָ-י מְשַׂמֵּחַ צִיּוֹן בְּבָנֶיהָ
5 Blessing on the joy of Jerusalem and the gathering of its children.
ברכה שישית: שַׂמֵּחַ תּשְַׂמַּח רֵעִים הָאֲהוּבִים, כְּשַׂמֵּחֲךָ יְצִירְךָ בְּגַן עֵדֶן מִקֶּדֶם, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדנָֹ-י מְשַׂמֵּחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה
6 Blessing on the joy of beloved friends, as in the Garden of Eden.
ברכה שביעית: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָ- י אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּרָא שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה, חָתָן וְכַלָּה, גִּילָה, רִנָּה
דִּיצָה, וְחֶדְוָה, אַהֲבָה וְאַחֲוָה וְשָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת. מְהֵרָה אֲדנָֹ- י אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ יִשָּׁמַע בְּעָרֵי יְהוּדָה וּבְחוּצוֹת
יְרוּשָׁלָיִם, קוֹל שָׂשׂוֹן וְקוֹל שִׂמְחָה, קוֹל חָתָן וְקוֹל כַּלָּה, קוֹל מִצְהֲלוֹת חֲתָנִים מֵחֻפָּתָם וּנְעָרִים
מִמִּשְׁתֵּה נְגִינָתָם, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדנָֹ-י מְשַׂמֵּחַ חָתָן עִם הַכַּלָּה
7 Blessing on the creation of joy and happiness for the bride and groom.
Love in Hebrew is Ahava אהבה. In Hebrew each letter is worth a number, and the Gematria (numerical value) of the word Ahava is 13. The word Un (like the number 1) Echad has the same numerical value. We understand that love is feeling unity, it is being one. But in these blessings we do not wish only Love to the couple. As Rav Asaf explains, if we are one, then where am I? I forget myself, I can no longer find myself! This is why we see in these blessings:
ברכה שביעית: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָ- י אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּרָא שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה, חָתָן וְכַלָּה, גִּילָה, רִנָּה
דִּיצָה, וְחֶדְוָה, אַהֲבָה וְאַחֲוָה וְשָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת.
“in Love” אַהֲבָה - to love each other while knowing how to become one
“and in Fraternity / Friendship” וְאַחֲוָה - to love each other while knowing how to be side by side
“and in Peace” וְשָׁלוֹם - to love each other while knowing how to coexist in our differences
“and in Evil” וְרֵעוּת - to love each other while knowing how to be even back to back, to challenge each other in our ideas, and transcend our emotions
About those words, see this video from rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/18FkykbGRr/?mibextid=wwXIfr
7. Jerusalem
«They speak to you, Jerusalem, gaze up at the sky, ‘In our fervent hearts, your potential does lie!’ With a symbolic stride, the groom shatters the glass, Takes his Queen’s hand, as One, they amass.»
“Why break a glass? In memory of Jerusalem, which has not yet been rebuilt. What this comes to symbolize is the following: we will face trials, like this broken glass. But we will also build a Jewish home in the spirit of the Torah, and thus contribute to building Jerusalem in a spiritual way, protectingit, and beautifying it. Through this, we will deserve to truly see Jerusalem rebuilt. » - Joy Galam
The breaking of the glass under the Huppa also connects us, on this joyous day, to the history of the people of Israel and reminds us of the long journey we have traveled thus far and our loved ones who have not had the privilege to be present in this joy. This is also why we decided to add here a prayer for the current situation of our people.
Just before breaking the glass, the groom recites:
אִם אֶשְׁכָּחֵךְ יְרוּשָׁלָיִם תִּשְׁכַּח יְמִינִי, תִּדְבַּק לְשׁוֹנִי לְחִכִּי אִם לֹא אֶזְכְּרֵכִי, אִם לֹא אַעֲלֶה אֶת יְרוּשָׁלִַיִם עַל ראֹשׁ שִׂמְחָתִי
If I forget you, Jerusalem, let my right hand forget me! Let my tongue cling to my palate, If I do not remember you, If I do not make Jerusalem the principal subject of my joy!
Shabbat Hatan & Sheva Brakhot
«Thus they build a home, so new and bright, Bringing their spark of life, a torch alight, They are united with Courage, Loyalty, Love, Respect, and their Faith in eternity.»
The Shabbat Hatan (שבת חתן), meaning "Groom's Shabbat," is a special Shabbat to celebrate the first Shabbat as a married couple after the wedding. Family and best friends honor the groom (hatan) by calling him up to the Torah for an aliyah (reading a portion of the parasha of the week). They organize great meals for "shishi" Friday evening dinner and the "seudot" meals during "shabbat" Saturday as well. At the end of Shabbat, after "Havdalah" (prayer to make the difference between the holy day of shabbat and the other days), they can also celebrate "Melave Malka" (celebration held after Shabbat to escort the "Shabbat Queen" as she departs, traditionally involving singing, dancing and storytelling).
No place here to be nostalgic of a wedding that went too fast as the festivities keep on going!
Sheva Brachot (שבע ברכות), meaning "Seven Blessings," refers to both the seven blessings recited under the wedding canopy (chuppah) and the seven days of celebratory meals following the wedding. The Seven Blessings that are recited during the wedding ceremony, typically by different honored guests, are blessing the couple and their future life together. With the same idea of the seven circles the Kala makes around the Hatan, this idea of the 7 within 7 is taken as we are still celebrating and reciting for 7 days those 7 blessings. Celebratory meals are held in honor of the bride and groom. Each meal concludes with the recitation of the Sheva Brachot if a minyan (quorum of ten Jewish adults) is present. The guests should be people that were not in the wedding. This "Sheva Brachot" is a tradition and not mandatory. If you skip one day you can still organize Sheva Brachot. During this week, you are celebrated as Queen and King and people are serving you. You are not supposed to cook or do anything. This also allows you to be very excited about coming back to your routine and quiet home as this week can be very exhausting, but that is the whole point! Friends and family often host these meals, and it's a mitzvah ("good action", commandment) to bring joy to the bride and groom during this week.
Taharat HaMishpaha
Taharat HaMishpacha (טהרת המשפחה), or "Family Purity," refers to the set of Jewish laws and practices related to marital purity and intimacy. It includes the observance of niddah (the period of menstrual impurity), the use of the mikveh (ritual bath) for purification, and the maintenance of family purity throughout a woman’s menstrual cycle and postpartum period.
These practices are intended to foster spiritual and physical renewal within the marital relationship and enhance the sanctity of family life.
It gives the space and time for you to build intimacy and proximity in physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual dimensions, keeping the physical one sacred and vibrant.
To me, this is what keeps a couple flame alive:
Touching your husband like it is the first time after the niddah time.
Being in touch with your divine cyclic body.
Having your husband driving you to the Mikveh, waiting for you, and keeping this night as a "date night" just for yourself (especially when you have kids), the most beautiful date night of the month, it is so romantic, it is sacred and pure.
Looking at each other eyes and giving each touch its importance not entering in a routine in which "goodbye kisses" and "i love you" are common and their taste fades away.
Respecting the woman's body and it's time for cocooning and self-care and love during your moon cycles.
Connecting to spiritual waters of the Gan Eden in the Mikveh, feeling the divine and praying, being reborn again each month, having faith and hope to overcome each life challenges and bringing that to your home.
This is gold.
Other info about being a Jewish woman in the next mini-course "the Jewish Woman"!
Brakha
I am blessing you, dear Hatan vKala, for you to have a life of blessings, that you will have the capacity of seeing how Hashem is always guiding you, the capacity of seeing this life's beauty, the courage to always overcome the ego and this life's challenges, to always find the path back to the home you are building, a home neeman beIsrael. Amen.
And if you wish to learn more...
I invite you also to read this blog post I wrote about our values: https://www.ofrequency.com/post/how-would-you-define-your-values
And this post about intimate relationships:
And here is the guide you can print out for your guest to read it during your wedding, understand the meaning of what is happening, your huppa, and feel involved in this Simha! https://www.ofrequency.com/product-page/a-short-guide-to-the-huppa-ceremony
And you can also check my other online courses! See you soon for another adventure, Rak B'Smahot!
With love and gratitude,
Julia
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